God is testing me.
Damn. Thats really the only word I have to say.
I really don’t trust one girl. only family. I became acquaintances with a female in my english class, she ends up talking to my boyfriend behind my back for 4 months. I said I wouldn’t let another dumbass bitch fuck me over. Then on saturday I found out a newish friend I made last year has been lying to me, and kicking my fucken name around. Like when the fuck do humans draw the line. Like god is testing me or something. Im really even more cold blooded than I used to be, I used to think I was the most fucked up person, but Im on a whole-nother level now. My wall is so high up, my guard is at its peak. Letting people in is non existent. what did I do to deserve this though. The past 8 months of my life have been crazy. He let me down, she let me down, Ive always thought I don’t need anyone else, I guess I do, but thats all gonna change. I don’t want anyone. I want to live in alaska in an igloo by myself. I never want to wear make up, or worry about other humans. Im so numb now. Im sure no one will read this, but it is nice to know its at least off of my chest and heart. this might get me in trouble seeing as how last time I put something on the internet it almost got me fired.
I guess I’m just going to work on myself, which is what I thought I was doing originally. its impossible for me to have ONE healthy relationship with anyone, why is that…
